You know I’m not gonna dis you on the internet,
because my momma taught me better than that…

But I so badly want to. Art exam tomorrow. Then I’m free! I’ve already made a list of things I want to do and want to get out of my life once I’m free. I want to get rid of heaps of childhood crap I’ve kept. I want to get rid of my ass. I want to find something better to look forward to than my crappy small-town dreams. I’m going to learn how to play the guitar and start playing the piano again.

I’ve made a calendar for the next 2 months. I’m busy busy busy, team that with a job and I may as well just go hide in a hole again. On Wednesday I’m catching up with my lovely girl Kathleen, then Thursday is bros day, Thursday night I’ma be chilling with Yondette!! She’s coming home everybody! Back in Adelaide on Wednesday!! Then Friday we’ll be kickin’ it. Friday night will be the party to end all exam parties, god bless Alfred for throwing it. On Saturday I’m heading up to Mt Gambier and then back on Sunday, Monday is a night out with all my school friends at a restaurant – Charlie’s. And it keeps going on and on and on. Arrgh. So scared of not being able to really chill, but schoolies will be brilliant. So much to organise though!

Never mind. Art exam in less than 24 hours. Wish me luck~

Over and out.

“The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally let secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they’re out in the open & once your secrets are out in the open, you don’t have to hide behind them any more. The problem with secrets is, even when you think you’re in control, you’re not.”

Art art art. Art theory can go fuck off. Like I said to John last night – I give up.

This song, wow… Musicians always say it better.

After knowing I needed to start doing something before it got to this point in my life, finally, I’ve started to get things rolling. Responsibility is important when you start becoming an adult, when you start realising all the seriousness behind the things you used to joke about as a kid.  Aha, I must sound like a massive walking contradiction right about now, but that’s how I deal with things. It’s kind of exciting, realising that there are certain things you need to do to take care of yourself – and doing them, without caring if people understand why you’re doing the things you’re doing… Anyway, I’m rambling! At this point there is no need for specifics, so I’m just gonna flow with this weirdness and say, for now -

Over and out!

So, I’m multi-tasking. Watching V For Vendetta whilst writing this. I’m over and done with the two exams that I was worried the most about. It’s about time too. Today, after my maths exam I went to town for my usual bros day. Caught up with the lovely Fi and Rhys, as well as my usual lovelies Jacob and John. On Saturday my tutor Maria and I discovered the most amazing wing in the State Library. The Mortlock Wing, and today I showed Jacob and John our discovery. As the first time I went in there was to work, all I got to take in was the amazing smell of the old books and the breathtaking view as you walk in, it was amazing to just look at the exhibition on the ground floor. Some of the history of South Australia is amazing. I learnt that a law was passed on the 17th of September in 1975 for gay men to be able to be with each other in the privacy of their own home. Yes, before that it was illegal to be gay even in the privacy of your own home! Law’s having to be passed? I am disappoint, I believe people should be able to do whatever they want. After shopping for games we then proceeded to the Botanic Gardens, to change things up a bit – and the boys got me acquainted with the Flight of the Concords album. I laughed my head off, some of their lyrics are awesome.

Tonight I got a lovely email from webs.com telling me that my website is in the top 1% of most popular blogs that have been created this week! It made me laugh, because… how many blogs that have been made this week could have taken off so much so to be deemed popular in the first place? Eh, I dunno! I really like the ’spy’ application it has on the stats page. You can see the country of the viewer who is on your site, and their OS and what type of browser they’re using! It’s kind of odd, seeing all the different countries so far, but most of those worldly visitors are linked to it from here – so if you’re reading and have seen the website, hello!

Art exam on Tuesday, wish me luck.~

Over and out.

But, please come down from that cloud you’re sitting on
I don’t expect you to admit that you were wrong
Just wanna know how you’ve been
Don’t make me feel bad that we’re still friends

I hope that you see through your big yard and white picket fence
To make amends, to still be friends, to still be my friend

True fact. So, yesterday instead of studying for exams, and after killing all of my old ‘Piczo’ web pages, I finally got to setting up a website for my animation to be embedded onto. I originally wanted to upload it to YouTube, and I did that. But the frame rate and file size wasn’t all that great looking. It may have been a big waste of time, but unfortunately enough for me, my Animation teacher emailed me at 7 last night (I don’t know how I didn’t get it until this morning, gah) asking me for another copy of the final piece because it couldn’t be found on the disc I handed up. Holy shit. I died when I read it. Everything, and I mean everything, was depending on that last piece of work because all my lead up work is pretty dodgy. So, as I couldn’t make it to school today, I sent him a couple of links to where he could find it on the net for quick viewing, and said I’d bring it in on USB tomorrow. It was the worst start to the day ever. But I’ll get by.

Also, please notice that an artist from Canada stole my name, and even though her work is amazing, it saddens me a little bit to know that I’ll never ever be the owner of the domain ‘jessicamasters.com’, eventually I’d love to buy up ‘jessicajoanmasters.com’. That would be awesome, even though ‘jessicamasters.com.au’ is still avaliable, it just hasn’t got the same level of awesome as a ‘.com’ page.

I have my Physics exam tomorrow morning, my Maths one on Thursday morning and finally my Art one on the Tuesday after that.

Wish me luck guys, I’m going to need it.

Over and out.

Look at how gorgeous that room is.

Also, the only song I want to listen to at the moment is Gold Digger by Kanye West. So I guess this post goes out to the stupid whores of the world that use men, even if they barely know them, because they’re desperate to fit in or have a title or whatever, that they’re obviously not. This post also goes out to the people that steal the most important things out of someone’s life, be that friends or image, and to people that ditch then stop caring about their friends, all because of what? No valid reasons at all, apparently. Why would you upgrade to people who are stupid and have the personality of a cardboard box? Have fun with that.

Over and out.

Sittin‘ on the bed alone, staring at the phone…
He wasn’t...

Basically, I scared myself a little last night. It wasn’t anything that bad, really… It’s just I realised I don’t sound like my ‘usual self’. The way I think and the way I… I dunno. I’ve somehow become serious. And one of my very good friends agreed with me about it. When the hell did I get serious? I. Wasn’t. Meant. To. Grow. Up.

I feel cheated. Fuck you, time. Fuck you, thinking about the future. Fuck it.

I don’t want any of it if I’m like this. See here kids, this is what a heavy heart full of worry, a wallet full of nothing and over thinking gets you.

I want my old life back.

Over and out.

P.S. On a completely different note I’m going through an Avril phase again. Man, that girl can write amazing lyrics…

I coulda been the one you noticed
I coulda been all over you
I coulda been like all the others
Is that what I’m supposed to do?

It woulda been really stupid,
If I woulda went home with you
To give you everything you wanted
It woulda been way too soon

I try to be sensitive
I try to be tough
I try to walk away,
I try to be innocent
I try to be rough
But I just wanna play

You’re my daydream, you know that I’ve been thinking about you lately
And everytime I look at you I can’t explain how I feel insane

I am preparing for a trip away, to clear the air. To clear my mind.
I’m scared of becoming just like you.
Even though it’s not as if we’re alike enough already.

I wore a stupid get-up on Friday to the breakfast. My black dress and black heel/sandal’s. Its not as if I tried, but everybody was like – ‘Jess, you’re showing us all up!’ The truth is that I seem to have worn two holes in my fave (and only) pair of jeans. So I couldn’t wear them, as much as I wanted to be able to and just blend in. Anyway, because of my shoes being crappy and not blending-in’able I took them off. There was glass outside of the scout hall. My feet got cut up pretty bad. Good one Jess. -.-”

I had a party thing after the breakfast. It was good. We swam, ate fresh fruit from the Central Markets and sunbaked. After the main event, everybody but Andrew, Fin, Jay and Steve were left. So I watched Wall-E with a bunch of guys. It was the first time I’d seen it properly, and I was ‘Awww’ing’ every 10 seconds, and by the end of it every one of them had a cheesy grin on their face. It was so cute!

Today was boring. I did homework and worried all day. I’m so paranoid. I don’t like feeling like I’m missing out on something. Like people are lying to me, pretending, avoiding me, holding back.

With that said, I’m going to sleep. Dreams are far better than real life at the moment.

Over and out.