It’s Alright Because I Like The Way It Hurts

I don’t know where all this jealousy is coming from. I don’t know why it’s happening at all. I just made three rather horrid attacks at him online. Why? I don’t know.

It’d just be nice if I could stop doing this. If I could just start being normal.

I keep thinking that I’m going to be this messed up forever. That my constant relationship fuck-ups teamed up with the other bullshit that I just can’t seem to give up will really be the end of everything. I will end up meeting the most amazing man on the planet, and just be so confused I’ll end up pushing him away, like I did with the last one. Sure, everyone says I’ll find someone that will fill all the spaces up, because there are so many empty spaces, but there are also spaces I have already filled that need to be re-filled with the right person. What if it happens again? Like a drug I just can’t seem to quit.

I ended up hating myself to the point where I broke. Every part of me broke. My mind. My heart. I broke down in an extremely public place and my best friend couldn’t understand what was happening to me, and ended up just yelling at me and walking off, which made everything hurt even more.

What a contridicting title, huh?

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