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If someone ever makes you cry for three days straight, what are you supposed to do? Surely you’re not supposed to see them, so they can do it again. But what if you can’t do it. You can’t not see them. And they do it again, but worse. And then they find a way to be a part of everything you are. And then you can’t see anything, mostly you can’t see being happy, without them. What a twisted sense of happiness. Is it even happiness? After everything, they still don’t understand how their actions hurt you. They don’t realise how completely betrayed you felt after what they did. Like they had everything you had to give in their hand, and crushed it, without any known feelings of regret. And like you weren’t already broken up enough after the first time, you gave them a second chance, you let them have all of you … or what was left of you, and they just crushed it all again. How can someone even think that it’s something that is completely forgettable? Being torn apart like that. When you’ve been ripped to shreds you can’t exactly just sew the pieces back together. So, the only way you’re able to stand up is by knowing that they’re still there. They may have ruined you, but they haven’t left you. Not yet. You keep trying to find your feet, trying to find something else to hold on to so you don’t need them to help you stand any more, but you just can’t seem to find what you’re looking for. You can’t find it in yourself, because being yourself doesn’t make you happy. You feel worthless without someone else beside you. You’re not good enough for the world. You’ve completely lost your independence, and for what? How well do they really know you? Have they even bothered to find everything out? But now they’re shutting you out, like you believe you deserve. You don’t really deserve to be happy, but they do, and they’re going to be happy without you someday, so just move on. They’re going to be happy without you someday, so stop torturing yourself thinking that things will always stay the same, and this twisted sense of happiness will always be enough for you. It’s not enough for you, and you can do better. You can do so much better. They have that certain place in your life, so stop letting it be something else. It’s not what you want. It was never what you wanted. So stop selling yourself short, and stop giving everything you have away to someone that doesn’t deserve it and look for that someone that does. Because that person that does deserve all of you is out there. You haven’t spent this long making your way through life to go through the rest of it alone. You’re going to be happy, and even though you’re crying right now, and you’ve been crying the whole time you’ve been writing this down, the tears just changed from tears of sadness to tears of joy because of that single realisation. You will be happy, and you don’t need to constantly worry and drown yourself in a pool of distrust and hate. You will be happy, but because this is not enough for you it is why you always try to make something out of nothing. It’s because your soul is impatient. You’re looking for that person you can give everything to, and because you can’t find them you’re trying to make someone else into that person.

You’ve already given enough of yourself away, so chin up. Just be patient. The time will come.

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