Regretfully

I’ve noticed a change in myself, and I’m not sure if it’s one that I like.  I used to be so excited when there was a party coming up, or whatever, and now I just keep feeling like it’s too hard and I’d rather stay home and watch movies with the one or two people I see every single week. I feel like I’ve slowly lost interest in every other person I used to hang out with. I know I’ve completely lost interest in my primary school friends. One I keep meaning to catch up with, but it never happens, and one I do see, but I’m just not interested in what’s going on with her. I feel like a massive big hole has been created between all the people I used to hang out with at school and little old me. Because either we all live too far away from each other, they don’t believe I care about the causes they’re interested in or what they’re up to, or one side just can’t be bothered.

I was excited to go out tonight. As much as I was hoping my closest friends would come, I was kind of buzzed to be going out to see people I hadn’t seen in the longest time. And to be just me, in a crowd. I had made plans to get there weeks ago with my dad, but because of my trouble making brother, he and dad are going down to Pt. Elliot tonight, leaving me stranded. If I had been paid this week it might have been different. I would have been able to afford to drive there myself.

My parents have said before “This is the last time we’re giving you money for petrol, next time, if you can’t afford to go, you’re just gonna have to deal with it”. They’ve said this a couple of times though, so I’ll probably be pushing it to ask them to slide me a 20 or whatever. I’m just so sick of things changing. I’m sick of plans changing. I know I’ll regret not going, but I’m just too tired to care at this point. I’m just scared I’m going to regret this whole year, how I’ve spent my spare time.

I have to shut up now. I really do.

Over and out.

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