My Shallow Heart’s The Only Thing That’s Beating

I’m not making a load of sense today. I just had a kinda emotional break down in the shower after remembering and going over when my heart was broken into a million little pieces. You see, this year (starting December 1 and finishing November 30) so far has been the worst year of my life. Sure I’ve been happy and sure there have been a lot of good times but overall it has been one horrifying roller coaster ride. Some time next week I celebrate the 7 months since I became the person that I am. 7 months since I started feeling like a miserable train wreck. Yet 7 months of loving exactly where I am and the people that I know …see, I’m not making sense.

Other than that exam revision has been a load of crap. Today I’m revising natural logs and writing out my final notes sheet. I can’t wait till noon on Tuesday. Exams will be over and I’ll get to take some serious time off to clean out my room. I could furnish a house with everything I own. Which is probably why I’ve kept everything over the years. I honestly can’t wait to get my own place. Sure this house has been all I’ve known, and it’s gonna be hard as hell to leave, but I dunno. It’s exciting. I just wish this year would be over already.

On another note, rest in peace Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. MJ baby, you were a talent. An oddball, sure, but a talent none the less.

Over and out.

These Five Words In My Head Scream Are We Having Fun Yet?

Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision. Revision.

What I’d give to get out of here.

Over and out.

You Said You’d Keep Me Honest, But I Won’t Call You On It

Stocktake was pretty good! I got to catch up with Antho and Cordell and that was all a load of fun. I went to school on Tuesday, just to go to an extra art lesson to be better prepared for the exam I had today… WHICH I KICKED SERIOUS BUTT AT! Then after school yesterday I did the weekly Tuesday Hudsons trip with Jacob and Oliver came along.

I never thought I’d be a coffee shop regular, but here I am.

Today I did my exam. It was really good! I didn’t get jittery at all and wrote about 10 fucking pages! Afterwards I stayed at school to start my English Comms assignment which is due late next term. Then I caught a bus to town and had to wait freaking ages for John to show up… Something about Hudson running off in the woods and not being able to catch him and climbing trees and stuff. I got Boost Juice and visited Little Italy! Well, what I call Little Italy, which doesn’t actually make sense. The John and I walked to places, looked at the advertiser building and “Eagle Chambers” and then went to Hudsons. Malik appeared out of nowhere and we sat around talking for agessss.

I’ma go off singing some obscure rap songs now.

Over and out.

I Heard A Screaming Out Loud

“I took a ride on a February morning, just getting over it and dealing with the mourning.
I started thinking out loud: I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
My baby’s flying off the edge of the road, she’s saying, “I’m so sorry about that note”, that left me all alone.

Somebody turn the lights on, somebody tell me what’s wrong.
I’d be lying if I told you losing you was something I could handle.
Somebody turn the lights on, somebody tell me how long all this darkness will surround you, cause I’m burning for you, burning like a candle.

Think, all the things that you say, what are the things that you mean?
What are the things that you say to me?
Cause your tradgedy, a queen for his majesty.
All these plans for me,  your kingdom is crumbling.”

Baby I’m Burning Up Now

“Don’t let yourself fall in love until you know it’s going to last.”

I find noticing things for the first time really funny… especially finding something in a person that you never expected to find. Surprisingly enough I have had someone on my mind for a while, I really don’t know why and I don’t know when I am going to see him again… could be tomorrow… could be in a month. I dunno if there is anything there to act on anyway, could be just a crush on my end. He probably sees me as a childish misfit. Gah, it wouldn’t work… would it? To many ties with other people for it to work.

Anyway, I’m quite excited about tomorrow! It’s my first day off for exam revision and I’ve been asked to help work at some supermarket way up north.

I had a pretty good weekend. It was filled with family and friends and under 17’s soccer. Brodies birthday was yesterday. Dad cooked slice and we stayed for a bit. As it was a whole family thing all of my Uncles side was there. I got to chill with a few faces I haven’t seen in a while and it was pretty much a breath of fresh air. I then went to Yasmine’s for a girls night. It was so much fun. When I got there all the others were watching a film called The Mist, I was scared the whole way through it but I got really angry as well. Fucking hell I hate the way people are sometimes and that movie really makes you think. Yasmine surprised Steph with a birthday cake adter the film and we made fruit salad. We then watched Robin Hood: Men in Tights and I couldn’t stop laughing/yelling “What the fuck!” and then watched Aeon Flux.

This morning we woke up to scones and Sex in the City! So good.

Josh’s soccer game was pretty good. They lost 5-2 but the skills I saw while watching it were pretty damn awesome.

OoooOOooOoh and on Thursday I went to see Ross Noble! He was fucking brilliant!

Over and out.

Oh Hot Damn, This Is My Jam

I taught my grandfather how to use the Wii on the weekend. It was awesome. I love him so so so much. I taught him how to play Wii Sports and he loved the Bowling game. I have been having horrible dreams about him dying though, and it’s doing my head in. It was one of the many stresses I dealt with last week.  I’ve only had similar dreams about it twice, and not since Thursday night. So hopefully I don’t have to go through another one. A friend of mine just believes that it was because I was worried about a whole lot that went on last week. But I dunno… I’ve never had a dream that has made enough sense and that has been repeated.

On Friday I visited the botanic gardens, it was really nice. As it was world environment day there were all these little shows being put on for primary school kids, and there were drummers (bongos etc.) that where playing. They were loud enough to be heard all throughout the gardens.  Then I visited Adelaide Uni for a tour, from John and Sean, mostly focusing on the many stairs that were around. I then went home and spent Friday night chilling out at home alone.

Saturday was the day of dad’s birthday party. I cooked pavlova and chocolate cake. Yum. That same night was when I showed Nunnu how to use the Wii. On Sunday I did absolutely NOTHING! Except a bit of homework and I watched 4 episodes of Chuck and 7 or so episodes of The Legend Of The Seeker. Woah, both so good. On Monday (thanks Mrs. Queen for being born, having a birthday and getting us all a day off!) we visited a family my parents met through my brothers soccer club and then went to the Dawe’s house. That was fun. I watched more Seeker.

Today I had plain old school.

Oh my! Isn’t he glorious? Ahah.

Over and out.

It’s Just One Massive Load Of Crap

Year 12.

I swear, it’s just one serious mindfuck that doesn’t get any better as the year goes on. It doesn’t get worse either.

It’s like listening to (and having to look at) a dull uno-browed mono-toned man for months at a time. Ew.

Or listening to James Blunt non-stop. Double ew.

Or it’s like living in some hell where I have some stupid dead end job where nobody cares about me and I’m stapling pieces of paper or something for the rest of my fucking miserable life. The only kick I’d get outta the job was if I was to staple the paper to my damn head.

Go rape yourself high school. I hate you.

Over and out.

I Went Through All Your Dirty Laundry

“I opened the door to your head, tried going quietly
But I slammed the door instead
I yelled, “Why’d I even come here?”
But still I stayed for a while, looked in every draw that I could find
Saw you calendar on the floor, you’re not very organized are you?
I said to myself, “You should go, you should leave”
Good side pulling on my sleeve but I stood there
With a note from my head opposite of what my heart said
Oh I should not be here you know…”

Hey Girl, Is He Everything You Wanted In A Man?

For some reason I suck at writing analytical pieces. Trying to analyse others, or my own, work is hard. I find it really easy to write stories and lyrics but I just can’t analyse things. Eugh, ever since I quoted a 007 movie in the title of my last post all I’ve wanted to do is watch the Pierce Brosnan 007 flicks. He was always so smooth, although I do rather like Daniel Craig.

Today was pretty good. School was a bitch, as usual. But then after was the usual Tuesday at Hudsons time with my best friends. Only two of them this week. Hopefully all of them in the next couple of weeks!I have my next driving lesson on Thursday at 8:30am. I’m so excited. The Commodore was insured yesterday, and the battery is being recharged as we speak! So hopefully I get to drive to school tomorrow morning.

I haven’t posted about a specific topic in some time… I’m hoping something happens that really moves me enough to post about it, but until then I’ll just keep jabbering on about my days, how awfully long they are and how I’m gonna fail Maths Studies.

Over and out.

Sorry James, You Won’t Find Me Here

Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget… Did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Did you forget what we were feeling inside?
Now I’m left to forget… about us.

But somewhere we went wrong, we were once so strong.
Our love is like a song, you can’t forget it.

So now I guess this is where we have to stand.
Did you regret ever holding my hand?
Never again… Please don’t forget… Don’t forget.

We had it all… We were just about to fall…
Even more in love than we were before.
I won’t forget… I won’t forget… About us.

But somewhere we went wrong, we were once so strong.
Our love is like a song, you can’t forget it.

Somewhere we went wrong, we were once so strong.
Our love is like a song, you can’t forget it at all.

And at last all the pictures have been burned.
And all the past is just a lesson that we’ve learned.
I won’t forget… I won’t forget… About us.

But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song, but you won’t sing along.
You’ve forgotten… About us.

- Don’t Forget by Demi Lovato

I’m not usually a top 40 pop kinda girl, but I found this song today and it really struck a chord.

So here’s the list. My favourite stuff:

♥ Fettuccine Carbonara
♥ Supernatural
♥ Paul Rudd
♥ Henry the Hermit Crab
♥ Understated blush
♥ Cartwheels
♥ Photos of my brother in drag
♥ UFO lamps
♥ Piggy banks
♥ Martini glasses
♥ Mix-tapes
♥ Socks
♥ Powerpuff girls
♥ Remotes

Over and out.